January 2012
5 posts
“In God’s eyes, all men are equal.”
Redemption
He was small - so so small. I pitied him with each word he said, each sentence that came out from his mouth, each sweeping - and nonsensical - statement he said.
I wanted to stop him, tell him how much bigger the world was beyond his myopic vision. But the more he ranted on.
I could blame myself, but I couldn’t do much now that it was done. He left me with mixed feelings, the cold night...
Angry Hands
There you go, another happy couple. All smiles, all laughs, all good, all normal. Publicly showing any form of affection they could and would.
I took one too many side glances at him, each time, looking at his face, then at his hand - so empty - where my hand should be. He looks around cautiously each time we had any form of contact. We were less than, we were smaller, we weren’t them. Not...
Things That Go Thump In The Night
I looked down at my chest. Something was different. I could hear a faint thumping. Could it be? It’s been months since I felt this. I felt life, I felt a feeling, an emotion. I was moved. A wall came down. It was a heart beat.
Deconstruction
A year of building walls. A year of desensitizing myself from reality, hoping that in some way, I would find meaning in my life. A year of trying to be strong on the exterior, a year of ignoring my interior. Basically, a year of fucking up my insides, and becoming a zombie - a heartless, emotionless zombie.
I gotta start learning to live. Learning to feel. Again. Where’s the wrecking ball?
December 2011
10 posts
Blank Canvases
You aren’t all that good.
I know I’m not - not now, not yet. I know some things can be learnt and this is definitely not one of them and being mediocre is completely not acceptable.
I will not do this to myself.
I know I’m still that kid who had it in me. Who created beauty and recognised it, way before his years. That sparkle in his eyes - said it all.
Mark my words, I...
Art Porn
Time to start something in my life. I need to paint the Mona Lisa, I need to build the Sistine Chapel, I need to fucking get out of this rut.
I need enrichment, I thirst for inspiration, I hunger for the visually orgasmic. I need to fuck an easel, I need an easel to fuck me. I need to jump into a pool of assorted oil paints naked and as I ascend slowly from the paint I will rub the swirling...
Gruelling Gradients
I wish I didn’t have to decide. Some things are better left undecided. Grey’s a nice colour - I like it. It’s not as harsh as black, and not as bland as white. I wish we could stay in gradients of colour all the time.
But I guess the reality of it is that if there were no defined colours, we wouldn’t know when to stop or go at junctions.
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2011-12-25) →
The Asteroids Galaxy Tour (12)
소녀시대 (12)
T-ara (9)
Madonna (8)
Martin Solveig, Dragonette & Idoling (8)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
“You is kind, you is smart, you is important.”
– Aibileen, The Help (2011)
“I’m going to cure you.”
Road to Recovery
The rain continues to patter on the cab window. A sappy ballet plays on the radio. Sitting here looking out into the night. Thinking. Though I know I shouldn’t be. How long could a week be? Really long? I thought to myself. The rain wasn’t helping. So wasn’t the taxi meter.
Wait for me. Cause I am.
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2011-12-11) →
Rihanna (23)
The Corrs (19)
Björk (15)
Suzanne Vega (14)
Adele (13)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
Hairy Noose
Why is it so hard to wait? Oh my gawd. No, why is it so hard for you to reply? A simple yes or no would suffice. God. Why oh why. Please give me a moment so that I can rip out my hair and knit it into a noose to hang myself.
Am I being too pushy? Too clingy? Too… Irritating? Oh god. This is karma’s doing - once again. I am becoming what I hate. Shit. I’m thinking too much. I...
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2011-12-4) →
The Corrs (73)
Rihanna (41)
2NE1 (30)
Enya (24)
Adele (22)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
November 2011
8 posts
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2011-11-27) →
Eric Saade (23)
The Corrs (19)
Nicole Scherzinger (11)
Kylie Minogue (11)
David Guetta (11)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
In A Hopeless Place
It’s been a while since I felt like this. It’s weird, it’s almost like I miss feeling this way. Hurts, but I like it. Feels more like a relief actually, I have my heart back again. It’s sad how I actually have to wait for my emotions to surface before actually feeling them. Honestly, slitting my wrists would be a less painful way. Ok, I exaggerate, can you blame me...
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2011-11-20) →
2NE1 (16)
Rihanna (15)
Black Eyed Peas (12)
The Corrs (11)
Colin Minogue (10)
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Hotter Than Fire (feat. Dev) - Eric Saade
My...
The Stand Still
There’s something about rainy days that make it easier to breathe. Literally and figuratively. It’s like time takes a backseat in space. Yet everyone’s always still rushing, and fretting about traffic, honking, honking and honking. Red light, green light, stop.
Just stop.
And listen.
To the rain.
And breathe it in.
Everything’s so beautiful washed in nature’s...
“Oh it’s just a normal Saturday night.”
I Trust You
My eyes shot wide open. Blood pumped through my veins so hard I could feel my arms pulsating. My blood started to boil, the heat seemed to be emitting through my skin and into the stale air of the stairwell.
Everything felt better than it actually felt. My heart was thumping in my ears. It felt so, so good. Thump, thump, thump. Oh yes. Thump, thump, thump. I was there. Yes.
I wiped the sweat...
Evolution
I thought to myself today. How two-faced can I be. How very very. Then I started to wonder how many faces I actually had. Was I the same with everyone? Who has really seen me? My face. Not a mask or some other face I put on to hide how I really am to please people.
I started to get confused and my head started to hurt. So I stopped thinking too much. I’m a prime ape again.
October 2011
4 posts
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2011-10-30) →
Rihanna (12)
The Corrs (7)
Barbra Streisand (5)
Skylar Grey (4)
Ke$ha (4)
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My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2011-10-23) →
Skylar Grey (31)
Kylie Minogue (24)
Olivia Ong (12)
Lady Gaga (12)
Pitbull (9)
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“Halloweenie is the only night I won’t dress up”
– RuPaul
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2011-10-9) →
2NE1 (15)
The Corrs (12)
David Guetta (10)
Christina Aguilera (9)
The Saturdays (8)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
September 2011
7 posts
Amidst The Antlers
Do you know how much it hurts me when you say such things? In such demeaning ways? Do you know how much it hurts me? It angers me? Nope, I don’t think you’ll ever know.
You think you’re hurt - I know you are - but do you know how much it hurts me as well? You think I don’t want you to know? I want everyday to tell you so much, but I fear your disapproval, I fear your...
Opening Night
I love you gurl, you’ll fly one day.
You’ll soar.
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2011-9-11) →
U-KISS (5)
Selena Gomez & The Scene (5)
Rihanna (3)
Pixie Lott (2)
The Corrs (2)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
My Gingerbread House
It’s been weeks since I had much or any form of closure. My soul was rotting in some eternal hell hole of depression. Guess venturing out too much made me miss home - typical Cancerian, how typical. I walked around looking for some form of companionship, but I just realise all I wanted to do was to find a distraction.
I guess I found my home eventually - just when I thought I was too lost -...
Castles
All those dreams - those forgotten dreams. I wanted to be, I wanted to do, I wanted to fly. All gone. Thanks to reality, thanks to practicality, thanks to life.
How many of us will actually awake up from this infernal place that is reality, and learn to dream again? How many of us will trade in our everything, just for that one shot to complete that castle we once had in the sky, left unfinished,...
I Drink To That
We’re all waiting for things to happen. Sitting back, watching the world move by. The silent ticking of a clock somewhere in the background. Waiting. Wasting - Wasting away. Wishing for something to spontaneously happen. Ain’t going to work.
Wake the fuck up. Thanks.
Cheers (Drink To That) - Rihanna
August 2011
12 posts
Another Scat-turday Night
What is that smell? Oh, it’s the puddle of sewage there. Let me just move over here. There, all bett… Wait. It’s still there. Where the fuck is that gross whiff from Satan’s ass coming from? If it was the sewage… Then why wasn’t the smell there when we first came. Oh my god. It’s fucking strong. Oh gross. That horrid. Wait. Let me…
OH SHIT -...
“You can’t be 21, you’re too experienced.”
It Is Done, Part Two
There was all the usual stuff - foreplay, yada yada. This time, I knew I had to. I was unsure, nervous. Memories of the previous encounters flashed before me. Will I lose it again? Was I even sure I was ready? He’s probably going to think I don’t know what the fuck I was doing. Fuck it. No, literally. Fuck it. Go you useless twat. Do it.
So on it went. Snap. The key was in the...
Life and All That Stuff
Chance encounters. You open up, so does the other. You share energies. You see the world from their eyes. You realise how different you are. You realise how special each individual is in this world. It’s like getting a channel on a weird frequency, you are exposed to another view, another vision, for a second, then it’s static again.
And all you have is a changed vision. And a memory.
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2011-8-14) →
Prince (94)
Lady Gaga (44)
The Saturdays (35)
David Guetta (33)
Christina Aguilera (30)
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I’ve Never Been To Me - Charlene
...
Impending New Moon
Is picking up a pencil and paper and drawing that hard? I need a creative revival. Perhaps - the way things are going - my lovesickness will churn out some illustrations. God. I want to marry him now.
Life’s moving on with the recent departures. Realised the coming and going of people is going to happen pretty frequent in my life, so I might as well get use to it. Who knows, I may be the...
“If I could say what I want to see, I want to see you go down on one knee, marry...”
– Avril Lavigne, Things I’ll Never Say
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2011-8-7) →
Christina Aguilera (19)
David Guetta (10)
Lady Gaga (9)
2NE1 (9)
Charice (6)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
Face-Stalking
After looking at the pictures for a while - it’s like they’re determined to take revenge for the lustful stares they’ve been getting - they start to look back. Suddenly the tables turn and I start to feel naked and ashamed. Their stares penetrate my very soul. What am I doing? Why am I doing this? Look at me, how very pathetic.
It’s not just one pair of eyes. It’s...
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2011-7-31) →
Kylie Minogue (37)
Lady Gaga (32)
Erika Jayne (19)
Nicki Minaj (14)
Ke$ha (12)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
“Then again, what’s new?”
July 2011
10 posts
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2011-7-24) →
Lady Gaga (32)
Olivia Ong (15)
LMFAO (13)
2NE1 (9)
Ludivine Sagnier, Louis Garrel & Clothilde Hesme (7)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
Eduardo, Move Me
Oh my gawd. Seriously, could you be any more of a faggot? And that coming from me. Man up and do something about it. Take that rod out of your ass and cut the cord from your mom.
You are seriously the pussiest guy I have ever met. No this, no that, hello? I’m offering you solutions, and you aren’t being all that helpful. Please just make your fucking mind up and stop playing around....
Marathon
It’s corroding away my insides, growing bigger and bigger each time. Eating away at my soul, the darkness, that void. Emptiness.
Why am I cursed to stand at this junction - this crossroad. All paths lead nowhere, all paths lead back to the same point. I should just sit here and wait for a car to run me over. And leave me in the dust. A dusty corpse.
When I was a child and just...
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2011-7-17) →
2NE1 (20)
Ludivine Sagnier, Louis Garrel & Clothilde Hesme (11)
Lady Gaga (9)
DEV (6)
The Saturdays (6)
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