I’m doing it again. Being lovesick. It’s the everything-will-be-better-if-I-had-a-boyfriend syndrome. Never really does any good for me. Just makes me horny and unable to concentrate on work. Especially now with FYP going on. NOT helping.
The last time this happened I realised the hole in my heart was void of my spirituality, and not love. I had lost touch with God. This time, I’m getting the feeling it’s the same thing, and I’m trying - like the last time - to fill my heart with love for another. I’m running in circles. But enjoying it at the same time. I think I like to be miserable. Who knows, I may whine about it, but maybe I just want to be single all my life. I like to be alone. I don’t like sharing my feelings. But I just want a boyfriend for face-value. Who knows? Just a thought.
Have to sleep early tonight, thanks to the conference I was cheated into joining, but I’m confident everything happens for a reason. I’m not going to expect anything… Ok I’m lying. But I’m trying not to. It’s better that way.
Happy belated to my biaches. Stay sexy, and I’ll make it up to you two soon.
See? This is how Colin is like when he’s on form.
— Dar-dar
Didn’t do much work today, just realised my FYP research isn’t even sufficient to carry on with the sketching stage. I don’t like the feeling that I’m going to lag behind again, after I have just caught up with the societal norm of assignment deliverables. Not liking it, thanks.
Realised too that I’m a happier person without tracking the moon’s patterns. If I’m not wrong, I haven’t really looked up since my last mood swing. Guess it’s true then, it’s psychological. Perhaps I’ll look up when I’m upset again, till then. I’ll resist.
“Maurice” was kind of draggy. Didn’t really get the interlectual hoo-ha but I got the main storyline of the movie. The ending was like “Peculiar Chris”, unsure and ambiguous. What ever happened to the fairytale ending I crave for? But I guess it was realistic for a portrayal of homosexuals finding love. Who knows? I may be an old wrinkled man in the near future, lying on a mattress on the floor of a one room flat, pushing my flaccid foreskin up and down trying to experience that thrill and rush of ejaculation once again. All alone.
God, I painted a vivid picture. Shudders.
This weekend,
I went out with the clique,
Saved money not clubbing,
Got slightly more used to the idea of serving NS,
Got up to date with the 4th season of Heroes,
Downloaded 2 new gay movies,
And for the first time EVER, met the weekly submission WITH completed work.
Wow. I’m on a roll.
And as for tomorrow, well… I’ll play it by ear, but it’s going to be a good day. Yay.
Either than the fact that I have gotten back my corner-of-eye syndrome,
and the fact that I’m behind time in my FYP,
and the fact that I’m supposed to have an argumentative topic to present by tomorrow,
and the fact that it is 15 minutes to 1am,
and the fact that I’ll probably not do any work tonight,
it was a nice night.
For it is our destiny!!
— And the journey begins…
I’m tired. Don’t want to sleep or I’ll feel like I’m wasting time. Stupid logic. I should start thinking in terms of productivity. Then again, I won’t be anymore productive tomorrow as I am today. I don’t like the feeling of coming home in the morning, and hearing the national anthem being played on the radio when I’m about to sleep. Doesn’t feel right.
O wells.
Butter was fun. I think people were staring when I was dancing to Don’t Cha. Then again, my dancing got gayer as the night progress. Ida Corr got my slut-dance mode on. Going to stop clubbing for a while. Till the one week break at least. Doubt I can last that long, but then again, I’m going to try. Pubbing doesn’t count does it? May Kylie be with me.
Weekends are too short. Amen.
Have you heard of the carrot and stick theory?
— Yeah, I’m a carrot child. Treat me good.
So ok, it’s over for now. Finally feel like I have time for FYP. I’m going to push, not going to disappoint. Him. Though he has a girlfriend. Byotch.
It seems like assignments keep piling up, it’s never going to stop. All I need’s a lesson-free day of FULL concentration to get through and catch up. But I’m expecting that “one fine day” to never come, so bummer. All in all, I have to buck the fuck up.
You are very behind time.
— Him. Yeah, I know I am.
